Frequently Asked Questions
by Katsumi Amaya
Summary: When Dib gets in trouble in Skool for not paying attention, and Zim for having bad grades, Ms. Bitters forces Dib to be Zim's tutor. Now Dib has to answer ANY question Zim has, about ANYTHING! Let the fun begin! Eventual ZaDr.
1. Chapter 1

At Skool, it was a pretty ordinary day. Ms. Bitters was in the front of the room, lecturing to the oblivious class about how robots were eventually going to take over the world and how they were all doomed to become half-human cyborgs in the name of science for the creation of new technology.

Yup. Perfectly ordinary day.

Once boy, age 15 and seated next to windows in the front row, seemed to be the only student the entire room that was alert. However, his focus of interest was not Ms. Bitters' lecture, but rather to the boy sitting nearest the door, at the end of the row. The boy by the door's skin had a strange green tint to it, and every so often he would glance at the boy by the windows to return his glare.

"Dib! Pay attention!" Ms. Bitters snapped, causing the boy by the window to jump and the boy by the door the smirk.

"But I was just-" Dib started, but Ms. Bitters cut him off with a sharp 'I don't care, pay attention'.

The green boy smirk grew larger. "Yeah, _Dib._" He jabbed.

Ms. Bitters snaked over to his desk in a heartbeat. "You two, Zim. I want to see you both after class." and with that she returned to the front of the room to resume her lecture.

--InvaderZim--

A bell rang, and all the students grabbed their stuff and made their way out of the building. Some went through the door, some jumped out the window, and some went through the toilets, but the point was that they were able to leave. The same could not be said for Dib and Zim, who sat at their desks in silence, looking up at Ms. Bitters.

"Now, we seem to have a problem." She hisses. "It's not that I actually care, but Skool Overlord had noticed that Zim," She fixed the alien with her evil glare "has bad grades and that Dib," another glare "has trouble paying attention. While usually we would stuff you full of pills to fix this problem, the Overlord wants to try something different. It's called having a 'Tutor."

_'Oh please no!' _Dib screamed in his mind.

_'I wonder if GIR's eaten the couch by now. Most likely.' _Zim mused.

"Dib, you will Tutor Zim. Hopefully this will solve both of your problems without costing the school money." Ms. Bitters finished.

Dib, in brave act of defiance, jumped up onto his desk and pointed dramatically at Zim. "I refuse to go near that thing, let alone tutor him! He's an alien bent on destroying the Earth! I'm not going to help educate him! All that's going to do is make him destroy us faster!"

Ms. Bitters snarled, "Dib, if you do not answer each and every question Zim has about _anything_, I will see to it that you spend the rest of your life in misery in despair!" (And by rest of his life, she means having to repeat the 10th grade. It would be despair.)

"But... but..." Dib stuttered in shock. This couldn't be _happening!_

Zim threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, this will be fun! I'm going to make you miserable, Dib-beast." He cried gleefullly.

Defeated, Dib hopped off his desk silently shouldered his back pack. "What's the use?" He muttered to himself as he made his way into the hallway. "No one believes me anyway."

Zim fell into step beside him. Since Dib had a habit of talking to himself out loud, Zim had heard every word. "It's okay, Dib." He smiled toothily. "I believe." Then he cackled, and Dib swore he saw the sky go dark and lightning flash across the sky.

Then suddenly Zim stopped laughing and the sky cleared. "That was... weird." Dib muttered. Zim ignored him.

"So, Dib-stink, you have answer _any _question I have about _anything._" Zim said. The two were walking on the sidewalk, towards Dib's house. Zim seemed to be following him.

"Right." Dib clarified, wanting to strangle the alien beside him. "So what do you want to know?"

Zim grinned. "Well..."

--InvaderZim--

A/N: A new project I'm starting! As if I don't already have enough on my plate. -sweatdrop- But anyway, I have a few ideas for this story, but not enough! So press that review button and tell me, what DOES Zim want to know?


	2. Chapter 2

"Why _is _your head so monumentally big?" Zim asked, leaning back to study the absolute size of the boy's skull.

Dib smacked his hands onto his temples. "My head's not big!" He cried angrily.

Zim smirked. "Zim thinks Dib's head is the size of Rhode Island."

Dib crossed his arms and glared at nowhere in particular. "Maybe I just need more room for all the smartness in me." He muttered.

The alien shook his head with a smile that said, 'Whatever you say, idiot'.

Then suddenly, there was an earth-shaking yell. "DIIIIIIIIIIIB!"

Dib stopped short in his tracks. "Oh, shit! We forgot about Gaz!" He looked terrified.

If the almighty ZIM! could fear anything, then at this moment he would most likely be running away as fast as he could. But because ZIM! isn't scared of anything, he stood his ground. No, Zim's knees were not shaking!

"N-next question." Zim said as Gaz barreled towards them. "Why is your sister so terrifying?"

Dib looked at him wildly. "If I live to see the next half an hour, I'll let you know."

Then Gaz reached them, hair hanging in her face, looking furious. "If you want to go on a date with your creepy little boyfriend, that's fine, but next time DON'T LEAVE ME BEHIND WAITING FOR YOU! YOU STUPID FAGGOT!"

Then she pushed past them and stormed down the street, any living or non-living thing in her path shrinking away in absolute terror of being mutilated and destroyed.

Dib sighed with relief. "I honestly thought she was going to beat me up. I can handle a chewing out." He looked over at Zim, who had a puzzled look on his face.

"Do you have another question Zim?" He asked warily.

Zim nodded. "Your disturbing sister called you a... faggot." He tested the word on his tongue. It was a word he had heard quite a lot around school, but the way they used it didn't seem to match his dictionary's definition.

Dib made a noise in the back of his throat that Zim couldn't decipher. "Faggot is... a derogatory term, I guess. An insult. It kind of means..." He looked away. "Well, it's usually an insult for people that are..." his cheeks colored. "Gay."

Zim looked at Dib for a moment before it sunk in.

"Gay." Zim said. He knew what that meant.

"Yeah. Gay." Dib said, nodding his head.

There was a totally NON AWKWARD silence before Zim said. "So... Dib is gay?" He looked puzzled.

Dib glared. "No! I mean... I don't know! I've never been in a real relationship, how should I know whether I'm gay or straight?" He huffed and looked away, cheeks still bright pink.

Zim rubbed his chin. The Dib's answer satisfied him, for now. "Also Zim wonders... what is boyfriend?"

Dib cleared his throat. "A boyfriend is... well, it's the name you give a boy you're dating. I mean, usually girls use it. If a boy is dating a girl, then that's his girlfriend. It's just a title that people use to stake a claim on whoever they're dating." He said. Not once did his eyes meet Zim's.

Zim looked lost in thought. "Hmmmmm." He hummed, thinking over all Dib had told him. For a worm baby, he was rather smart. Not nearly as smart as ZIM! but he still knew something or another.

"Okay." Zim clapped his hands together, snapping Dib out of his thoughts. "Zim going back to the base, and Zim will have questions for the Dib-thing tomorrow." Then he turned, and made his way back the way they had come.

Dib licked his lips and rolled his shoulders. With a sigh, he straightened up and started to wander home. It looked like tomorrow was going to be more horrible than today had been.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Dib trudged to school with a dark storm cloud hanging over his head. Real rain poured down on him, soaking his hair and clothes. When he entered the school, the cloud instantly evaporated, but Dib's dark mood didn't.

He sat in his seat right as the bell rang. Zim was nowhere to be seen.

"Okay class. Who's missing." Ms. Bitters asked, her evil eyes scanning the room.

Dib raised his hand. "Uh, Zim is-"

The door burst open and Zim dashed into his seat. "Zim was here the whole time!" He shrieked.

Dib lowered his hand. "Never mind."

Class commenced.

--InvaderZim--

During lunch, Dib was slightly afraid to sit with Gaz, but did so anyway. She was wrapped up in some Zelda game, so she didn't even acknowledge Dib as he sat down with is tray of barely edible food.

Dib, so wrapped up in wondering if the afternoon of stomach pain and nausea was worth it to eat the tray of Skool food, didn't even notice as Zim took a seat beside him.

"Dib-thing, Zim has more questions." Zim said, keeping his eyes trained on anything but the boy beside him.

The boy snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at Zim with wide eyes. They had never been this close in proximity without trying to kill each other. Now they were only inches apart, and Dib found the experience quite unlike anything he and Zim had done before.

Finally, Zim comment registered in Dib's large brain, and he shot back to reality. "Oh, uh, yeah! What do you want to know?"

Zim picked at his food. For a while he didn't say anything, and Dib wondered if he had any questions at all, before, "How... ah." Zim stopped. "How does the... _hyu-man_ reproductive system... work?"

Gaz actually looked up from her game and flat out stared at Zim with wide eyes. Then she grabbed her tray and stood, muttering, "I'd rather eat in the bathroom than be around you two faggots."

"Zim is not a faggot!" The alien said angrily, but Gaz was already gone.

Dib's brain had temporarily stopped working. Second by second, it seemed his whole body was turning red with embarrassment. "I... er... you... why..." nothing that came out of his mouth made sense.

Zim looked at Dib expectantly, waiting for his answer. "Well, Dib-stink?" He didn't seem to find any problems with the question any more.

Dib finally managed to get something coherent out of his mouth. "Y-you're just doing this to piss me off, aren't you?" He said angrily.

The alien cocked his head to one side. "Zim does not mean to piss Dib off. Zim just wants to know how the reproductive system of filthy humans work. The better Zim understands, the faster Zim can keep the stink-meats from making wrinkly worm-babies."

Dib tilted his head back to look at the ceiling and sighed. "Why does God seem to hate me so much?" He murmured.

"Dib, I didn't ask my question about religious things yet. That comes after reproductive organs." Zim said.

The bell ending lunch rang. Dib stood and threw away his uneaten tray of food. Zim did the same.

"Okay, Zim. Meet me out back after school, and I'll tell you." Dib promised, not believing what he was saying.

Zim nodded and skipped his merry alien butt back to class. Dib had a strong mind to skip, but decided that Ms. Bitters' wrath wasn't worth it. She had known his generation for years, so she knew when someone was faking sick or not.

With another sigh, Dib made his way back to the classroom.

The end of the day could take it's time getting here. Dib wasn't looking forward to it at all.


	4. Chapter 4

The final bell rang, and Dib trudged against the swarm of students heading towards the front doors. He fought his way through the crowd of screaming children and eventually made his way to the back behind the school.

Zim stood there, staring at the sky. It was dotted with a few clouds here and there, but it didn't look like rain.

Dib sighed. "Hey, Zim." Fake, lensed eyes met Dib's.

"Hello, Dib-pet."

The human cocked an eyebrow. "Dib-Pet?" he asked.

Zim grinned wickedly. "When I destroy Earth, I plan on keeping you as a pet." He said.*

Dib rolled his eyes. "Like I'm ever gonna let that happen."

Zim shook his head. "This is not what Zim came to discuss. Where is the hyuman reproduction lesson?"

With a sigh, Dib led Zim across the street, where the elementary Skool was. They had spent many a violent year in there, harassing each other and terrifying students. Looking back on it, it almost seemed... fun. Dib shook his head. Running after Zim wasn't fun. Not in the slightest.

They sat down on one of the platforms leading to the slide. Out of his backpack, Dib pulled out a text book he had snuck out of the office book room. It was for health class, but Dib figured they wouldn't miss it if it was gone for an hour. Dib flipped through the book and found the chapter on reproduction.

"Here." He shoved the book in Zim's direction. "Now I'm going home."

Zim dropped the book and grabbed Dib's shirt. "No! Do not leave Zim! What if Zim has more questions?"

Dib sighed. With a glare to the clouded sky, he sat back down next to Zim.

The alien looked closely at a diagram of the female anatomy. "So this is what Dib has?" He asked.

Dib blushed and shook his head. "No, Zim! I'm male. That's female!"

Zim flipped the page to male anatomy. "So... this is what Dib has?"

He sighed. "Yes." Dib answered.

"...ew." Zim said finally. "Hyumans are disgusting and simple." He flipped back to the beginning of the chapter. "So that's all that has to happen? Tab B into Slot A?"

Dib shook his head. "Not necessarily." he answered. "The thing about sex, or, reproduction, for humans is that it..." He blushed harder. "feels good. So, some people have sex just to have sex."

Zim nodded. "It is the same for Irkens."

Silence. "Really? And that's what you are?" Dib looked pretty shocked. "Well... okay. Anyway, for the most part, humans aren't like that. Most humans get married, and to them it's not sex, really, it's called making love. They do it to express their love for each other, and maybe start a family."

Zim turned a few pages in the book. "That is not the same for Irkens. When Irkens what to have children, they simply submit their DNA to the computer and it creates a baby for them with the best possible genes and traits. With hyumans, it's all up to chance."

Dib nodded.

They had reached the part about pregnancy. "So the female carries the baby for... 9 months." Zim paraphrased, his eyes quickly scanning the page. "Arg!" He suddenly cried. "These lenses are so scratchy!"

"Then why don't you take then out?" Dib asked. The playground was deserted except for them.

Zim rolled his eyes. "What, so you can take pictures of Zim's real eyes and call Zim and alien again?" He shook his head. "Zim is not that stupid, Dib-thing."

Realization suddenly hit Dib. He hadn't even considered taking pictures of Zim's eyes. He had suggest Zim remove his lenses so that... what? Zim wouldn't be in pain? Why would Dib care if Zim was hurting? The more pain for the little alien scum, the better!

Why did it feel like, on some level, he didn't really mean that?

"Amniotic sac... blah blah blah... contractions, childbirth... ugh! The mother has to literally push the stink-baby out of her?" Zim winced. "I imagine that would hurt.

Dib nodded. "You have no idea."

Zim snapped the book shut. "Zim has learned all that we wants to learn, for today. Zim will take the book back to Zim's base, and study it more thoroughly there."

A question has been buzzing around in Dib's mind, and he took the opportunity to ask it. "Zim, what's reproduction like on Irk?"

There was silence. Zim turned to look at Dib, a glare in his eyes. "Why should ZIM! tell you anything about his home planet! You would just use it against me!"

Dib shrugged. "You've already told me about the computer that generates babies. What could a little more information do?"

Zim shrugged. "Ah, I guess so." He leaned back against the hand rail. "What would Dib like to know?"

After a moment of thought, Dib answered, "What's the relationship between most Irkens?"

"Urg... well... we see each other as competition, mostly. Shorter Irkens are expected to yield to taller Irkens." Zim's claws had bunched themselves into little fists. Dib could guess that, on his planet as well as on Earth, Zim wasn't tall at all.

Dib cleared his throat. "And do Irkens have sex the same way humans do?"

Zim clearly relaxed. "For the most part, yes. However, it is very rare that a child will naturally be born. Nearly all children are born from the computer."

"So your race has males and females as well?" Dib asked. Zim shook his head.

"On Earth, one with both male and female anatomy is considered a rarity, and for the most part, shunned, correct?" Dib nodded. "It is the opposite on Irk."

Dib let that sink in. "So you have both male and female parts?" He asked, eyes wide.

Zim nodded.

"... wow. That's... wow." Dib sighed. "Okay. Um... do they resemble human parts?"

Zim shrugged. "For the most part, yes."

A sudden idea suddenly struck Dib. It was actually a pretty mean thing to do, but hey? if it was against Zim, why not?

"Hey, Zim." Dib suddenly stood. "Since I'm taller than you, does that mean you have to do what I say?" He towered over Zim, still sitting, and looked down at him.

Then, Zim did the strangest thing. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, baring his throat. His lips parted slightly, and he said something quietly, probably in Irken, that Dib couldn't make out.

Then the moment was gone almost as soon as it had come. Zim's eyes flew open, and he quickly scrambled out from under Dib and stood on level high up on the play-scape. "Don't... do that!" Zim said angrily, his voice strained. He was breathing hard. "Zim... has to go. Feed Gir. Clean the base." He grabbed the forgotten book from beside Dib's feet and scurried down the steps and around the Skool.

Dib stood there, not really understanding what had happened. However, seeing Zim for that brief moment, completely vulnerable, had given him a thrill. He wanted to feel that again.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you all so much for the love! It's y'all that keeps me writing and inspires me! I love y'all so much! -blows kisses-_

-Invader Zim-

The next day at Skool before the bell had rung to start the day, Dib found Zim huddled in a corner of the boy's bathroom. Zim was still fascinated by the Heath textbook.

"Uh, Zim? What are you doing?" Dib asked, looked down at the Alien.

Again, Dib found himself towering high over the alien, and Zim's head tilted back in the same way, almost as if surrendering. And there it was again, that rush! Dib felt like he had power over Zim, and it felt amazing.

But then, once again, Zim hurried to stand. He still wasn't as tall as Dib, but it was better than being on the ground. "Zim is studying hyuman organs." He glanced back at the open textbook, laying on the ground, then looked back at Dib. "So, Dib's heart is here," Zim put his hand flat over Dib's left side. "Lungs here," Zim placed both hands on either side of Dib's chest. "Liver here," Zim's hands moved to Dib's lower right side. "Stomach here," The hand moved slightly to the left. Zim walked behind Dib. "Kidneys here." Two hands pushed lightly in Dib's back. "Large intestine here," A single claw traced across Dib's middle as Zim came back around "Small intestine here," A hand flat on Dib's tummy. "And, that's all I've memorized." He flashed a smile. "Did Zim do good?"

Dib was trying his best to ignore the blush in his cheeks. Zim has just put his hands, quite literally, _all over him. _"Uh... Yeah Zim. Very good." Dib smiled weakly. "Now if you want to kill me, you know exactly where to shoot."

Zim shook his head. "Zim won't kill you. You're to much fun." He smirked.

"Um... is there any reason you talk in the third person most of the time?" Dib asked, not knowing how to respond to what Zim had just said.

The question threw Zim for a loop. "Well... on Irk, it is just the way my people speak. We do not have the word 'I' in our vocabulary."

Dib thought. "Say something in Irken." He suddenly demanded.

Zim cleared his throat. "Um..." This was followed by a series of rough clicks and pops. The language was harsh and yet Dib didn't want to stop hearing it.

"That was so cool!" Dib said, eyes bright. If Zim had eyebrows, he would have lifted one in confusion. Zim had never found the English language very interesting, yet Dib was fascinated with the Irken language. Unlike on Earth, all the Irkens spoke the same language. Solved so many problems, really. The translator in Zim's PAK was really just to converse with the species of other planets. Much easier then taking the time to learn the new language.

The bell rang. Both Zim and Dib glanced up at the ceiling out of habit. "Time to go to class." Dib sighed. Zim nodded.

The two made their way through the hallway and to Ms. Bitters' room. Each made it to their seats right before the tardy bell rang.

Ms. Bitters materialized in the front of the room. "Take out your homework. I'll be coming by to pick it up. If it tastes good enough, you'll get an A. If not, you fail." Silently, Dib got out his homework. From the corner of his eye, he saw Zim looking guilty. He had no homework. 'I guess he was too busy with the Heath book yesterday to do his homework.' Dib mused.

"Zim! Where is your homework?" Ms. Bitters hissed. Zim shifted in his chair. "My, uh, dog ate it. That's a normal human excuse for not having assignments, yes?"

Ms. Bitters rolled her eyes. "Zim, see me after class." Ms. Bitters turned. "You too, Dib!"

Dread crashed into Dib. It was his fault Zim didn't do his homework! He had given Zim the Health book, after all. Several cuss words made themselves clear in Dib's mind. 'What am I gonna do? If Zim fails, I'm in trouble!' A sudden idea. Dib quickly copied down the questions from the homework and stashed the paper his pocket.

His homework was collected, and Dib sighed with relief. He would get out of this.

Hours passed, and finally the lunch bell rang. Dib quickly caught up with Zim. "What do you want, Dib-thing?" Zim asked, obviously mad because he had gotten in trouble.

"I'm copied down the questions from the homework! Grab a pencil and paper and do it during lunch." Dib answered. Zim dashed back into the classroom and emerged with the need supplies in hand.

With Dib's help, Zim quickly completed the assignment by the time lunch ended. Neither ate their food, seeing as it was glue and gasoline day. They tried to make it look appealing by covering it with sprinkles, but both Zim and Dib knew better after the last time.

"Evil Teacher Lady! Zim has completed his homework!" He slapped it down on Ms. Bitters' desk.

Ms. Bitters' inspected it closely, before wadding it up and shoving it in her mouth. After a tense, silent, moment, Ms. Bitters' swallowed the paper and said, 'It's better than Twinky's homework. So you get an A." She turned to glare at Twinky, and a hole appeared under his desk and he was sent tumbling down. The other students didn't even blink.

"But don't let it happen again, Zim!" She hissed. Zim nodded seriously and returned to his desk, and Dib did the same. After a moment, Zim flashed Dib a smile, as a thank you.

Dib returned it, albeit a bit weakly. Zim was being so nice to him, which couldn't be right. He must be up to something! Dib would play along, and then expose Zim when his plan came crumbling down! "It's foolproof!" Dib cried aloud. The class stared at him.

"Dib, do we need to send you to the Crazy House for Boys like last month?" Ms. Bitters's asked. Dib quickly shook his head.

Zim shot him a questioning look, which Dib returned with a smile and a shrug. Play his game, then beat him at it. It had to work.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I got a few reviews asking about/ wondering why Dib had to be so suspicious of Zim. Don't worry guys. It's aaaaall part of the plan -devious smirk-_

-Invader Zim-

After Skool, Dib led Zim across the street to the elementary Skool. "I wonder why they put the elementary Skool across from the high Skool. You think they'd put the middle Skool and the elementary Skool together." Dib thought aloud.

Zim just looked at him, then cracked a grin. "Dib is insane." He said simply. "It's amusing to hear you say things."

Dib blinked. They were sitting on the playscape, reclining against the railing. _'He's doing it again. Playing nice. I've gotta play along.' _Dib though. He smiled. "Heh, thanks Zim. I try."

For a second, Zim looked a bit shocked. Then, he smiled again. It wasn't a smirk, but a real smile. Dib's heart went ba'bump as it seemed to skip a beat, then beat even faster than before. Dib couldn't help but grin widely at Zim's seemingly innocent smile.

So they just sat there and smiled at each other for a moment. Then Zim suddenly blinked and started. "Oh, damn. GIR's probably torn up the whole base by now." He gave Dib an apologetic look and started down the playscape steps. "Sorry Dib-pet!" He rounded the corner of the elementary Skool and was gone.

Dib blinked and looked at the space that Zim had occupied a second before. "O...kay." With a shrug, Dib made his way home.

-Invader Zim-

The next day, Dib couldn't find Zim anywhere. He didn't show up to class, and after Skool Dib didn't see a single flash of green amongst the flesh tones. "Where is he?" Did asked himself. He ignored the few odd stares he received. As the obsessive-compulsive Dib he was, having something important out of place, AKA Zim missing, Dib felt extremely uncomfortable. He realized with a start that Zim whas the only person in Skool (besides Gaz, but she doesn't count) that he could actually talk to.

Dib heaved a sigh. There was only one thing to do. After Skool, he turned away from Gaz and started walking in the other direction. From his many years of stalk- er, _observing _Zim, he knew exactly where in the neighborhood his base was.

It didn't take long to reach Zim's base. Dib was almost hesitant to knock on Zim's door. It seemed too formal. Wouldn't he just walk in? It almost seemed appropriate to do so. However, for the sake of formality, Dib knocked anyway.

Dib heard scratching, then a second later GIR opened the door and looked up at Dib. They looked at each other for a minute before Dib cleared his throat and asked, "Uh, is Zim here?"

GIR said nothing, but scrambled to the kitchen and shouted down the toilet there, "THE BIG-HEADED KID IS HERE TO SEE YOU!" He turned back to Dib with a wide smile. "Do you want some waffles?" He asked.

"Uh, sure?" Dib said. GIR had always weirded him out a bit, with his hyper attitude.

"OKAY!" GIR shouted. From under the sink, he pulled out a box of waffle mix. Dib didn't want to know why it was kept under the sink.

There was a flushing sound, and Zim came spinning up from the toilet. "DIB! What are you doing here?" Zim asked.

Dib opened his mouth to answer, but couldn't find the right words. "I, uh... well, you weren't at Skool today, and, you know, because of my OCD, it really bugs me when things aren't right. and you not being as Skool with me wasn't right, so I was really worried, and..."

Zim rolled his eyes and pressed his claw to Dib's lips, effectively silencing him. "No more noises from your talking hole. Come." Zim reached over and grabbed Dib's hand, then with his other claw flushed the toilet.

The two went spiraling down, farther and farther. At first, Dib screamed out of terror, but it soon turned to a shout of excitement. It was liking being on a roller coaster heading towards everything you've ever wanted to know.

The two landed in what seemed to be a side-wing of Zim's underground labs. It was almost like a lounge. There were a few couches and even a fridge. On the wall was a giant TV screen.

"Woooooow." Dib sighed as he looked around. Even if it wasn't Zim's main base, it was still part of Zim's underground lair, and that made it exciting.

"Sit." Zim pushed Dib down onto one of the couches. "Zim will get Dib something to drink."

Dib was still looking around the room in awe as a cold class was pushed into his hands. "Oh, what's this?" It was clear liquid, and small bubbles rose to the top and popped at the surface. "Some kind of Irken drink?"

Zim took a sip of his similar drink and raised a non-existent eyebrow. "I believe you hyumans call it Sprite."

"Oh." Dib's excitement sagged a bit as he took a sip of the soda. "I didn't know you could drink Sprite."

Zim shrugged. "After years on this planet, Zim has built up an immunity to most hyuman food and drink." He made a face. "Except for the Skool food."

Dib smiled. "I wouldn't call that human food, exactly." He joked. Zim cracked a smile and actually laughed.

"I like it when Dib says things." Zim said suddenly. "It makes Zim happy."

There was a moment of stillness where Dib just looked at Zim, and Zim just looked at Dib. Zim was sitting on the couch opposite Dib. "Oh. Well, I'm glad I can make you laugh," He paused. "Zim." The name with no malice or anger behind it sounded strange on his tongue.

"THE WAFFLES ARE READY!" GIR's voice echoed around them.

Zim sighed and set down his half-drunk Sprite. "Zim will be right back." He trudged back towards the elevator as though he hated to go.

Dib's mind was whirring. Zim's half-drunk Sprite sat on the side table. It would only take a second to slip something in it to knock him out. Then it was just a short trip to the dissection table. His laptop was in his backpack, and he could contact the Swollen Eyeball. He was in the alien's lair after all, it would only take a second for them to send back-up. Then Zim's insides would be outside, ready to be inspected. Dib could plant probes, cameras, mics, anything! He was all alone in Zim's base.

Finally, knowing he didn't have much time left, Dib quickly planted a tiny camera in the corner of the room, so that he could get a better view of the wide space. After a second of thought, Dib planted a mic as well. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

The elevator was coming back. The familiar clank and whir of the gears informed Dib of its arrival. He quickly returned to his seat and took a long drink of his soda.

Zim came back in, plate stacked high with waffles. "Do you actually want any of these?" Dib shook his head. "Zim didn't think so." he dumped the plate on a table near the door and sat back down on the couch. "Zim has another question."

Dib leaned forward. "Yeah, okay. What is it?"

Zim took a sip of his Sprite, then continued. "Are Zim and Dib friends?"

_'Stick to the plan. Play nice. Make him believe I'm on his side.'_

"Yes." Dib flashed a smile. "We're friends."

Zim tried to hide his smile behind his glass of soda, but failed. "Zim is... very glad to hear this." He said simply. Despite himself, the plan aside, Dib couldn't help but smile.


	7. Chapter 7

Dib took another sip from his almost-empty drink. "I'm still wondering why you didn't go to Skool today." He said as he set his glass down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

Zim shrugged and set his glass down next to Dib's. "Zim finds Skool tedious and boring. Unless we're discussing dictators or dangerous chemicals, Zim isn't interested."

Eying the camera discreetly in the corner, Dib nodded and smiled. "I can see why. I don't like Skool much either. All the people there are just... blind, y'know?"

The alien nodded. "Also, Zim has more questions." He said spontaneously, leaning back into the cushions of the couch.

Dib nodded and cracked his knuckles. Zim winced at the sound, but Dib didn't notice. "Sure Zim. What do you want to know?"

"Hmmm..." Zim mused. "Why do hyumans keep pets?" He asked.

The question was thought over for a moment. "I suppose for the unconditional love."

"Uncon-huzawha?" Zim sputtered, looking at Dib with a very confused expression.

Dib chuckled. "Unconditional love. It is just as it sounds, loving someone or something unconditionally."

Zim fiddled with his hands in his lap for a moment, thinking hard. After he had processed his information, he asked, "Does Dib love anyone or anything unconditionally?"

The question took Dib a bit off guard, but he rebounded quickly. "Of course. I love Gaz and Dad."

Zim snorted. "Such pathetic excuses for hyumans they are."

"Hey!" Dib said angrily. "They're great hyu-, er, humans!"

Zim rolled his eyes and let the subject drop. He quickly shot another question. "Why do hyumans feel the need to destroy so much?"

Dib looked at Zim questioningly. "Why do Irkens feel the need to invade every planet they come across?"

"Because Irkens are superior to all other species and we are generous, so we share out brilliant selves with the rest of the galaxy by improving their planet with our own race." He recited. It was taught to all Smeets who one day wished to become invaders. Zim was the most eager, of course.

Horror filled Dib's eyes. "So you just come in and force your culture and beliefs down other species's throats?" He confirmed, the mere thought making him want to gag with disgust.

Zim slouched into the couch, sipping on his drink. "Zim doesn't know why the Dib-thing looks so surprised. Humans do it all the time. Just look at that country over there- Iraq. Americans kill people and force their culture over there every day." He said.

Dib sighed. Zim was right, after all. "It's still not a good thing to do." He muttered, knowing that he had lost the argument.

The Irken shrugged. "Zim is aware. But it's what Zim's people do."

"Why do you talk like that?" Dib asked.

"Like what? Zim doesn't understand."

Dib elaborated. "In third person. You need to stop using pronouns so much."

Zim just looked at him.

"Okay, repeat after me-" Dib stated. "I like waffles."

"...I... like waffles." Zim stated. "Sounds weird."

Dib nodded. "It's how people talk on earth. Now you try."

Zim nodded. "I like waffles and... I... like television." He stated, working each word on his tongue as though it were brand new.

Dib smiled. "Good! Except most people shorten television to TV. Or Telly, depends on where you're from." He shrugged.

Zim grinned, excited at the new way of speaking. "I like television and I am an Irken Invader!" He cried. "Now Zi- I will blend in with smelly hyumans better now, right?" He asked Dib eagerly.

All at once Dib realized that he had indeed just helped Zim blend in with humans better, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Zim just looked so excited after all, like a child given lots of their favorite candy. "That's right Zim. Now you'll blend in better."

Suddenly, a large screen lowered from the ceiling. It flickered on, and Gir appeared. He we standing in the living room. "TALLEST ARE CALLING!" He screamed. His hand reached off the side of the screen, pressing a button that would connect Zim thought a live feed to the Tallest.

Zim jumped up off the couch, panic in his eyes. "Hide!" He hissed at Dib. But Dib sat on the couch, frozen. Zim, panic now very apparent, literally pushed Dib off the couch and behind in, unseen from the camera on the large screen.

The screen flickered again, and the Tallest Red and Purple appeared on the screen. "Hi, Zim." Red muttered, clearly not wanting to be having this conversation. "We're calling for the monthly update. How are things on Earth?"

Zim forced a smile and a cheerful voice. "Oh, everything is going just fine, my Tallest! Perfectly wonderful! Absolutely marvelous! Perfectly-"

"We get it!" Purple said angrily from behind his bag of donuts.

"Bye, Zim." Red said, and the screen went black. It retreated into the ceiling.

Hesitantly, Dib poked his head up from behind the couch. "Is the coast clear?" He asked, looking around.

Zim suddenly went rigid at the sound of Dib's voice. He slowly turned and looked at Dib as thought seeing him for the first time. "Get out." He said harshly and suddenly.

Dib came out from behind the couch, confused. "What? Why?"

"What would the Tallest think... having a filthy human in my base..." Zim murmured, still staring fixedly at Dib.

Dib took a step closer to the Irken. He reached out and put a hand on Zim's shoulder. "Zim, what're you-"

Zim shrieked and stepped back. "Don't you dare touch Zim, you filthy beast!" He screamed. "You are not welcome here! GET OUT!"

The human grabbed his things and fled towards the elevator, not knowing what to think of Zim's sudden mood swing.

The elevator somehow knew to take Dib to the main floor. When he was upchucked from the trashcan into the kitchen. Gir was there, making stacks and stacks of waffles. "Hey Bigheadkid!" Gir sang, mixing a bowl of batter.

"Er, hi." Dib said. He stood there for a moment longer before making his way across the living room and out the door. He ran past the lawn gnomes and out onto the sidewalk. With one last look at the unusual house behind him, Dib started for home.


	8. Chapter 8

Back in his room, Dib sat typing in the dark, fingers flying across the keyboard as hey linked his computer up to the camera he had placed in Zim's base earlier. Night had fallen just an hour ago, but Dib felt no fatigue. Finally, a window popped up on his monitor, and Dib gave a cheer. The little window showed the empty room in which Dib and Zim had been sitting hours earlier.

"Now for some sound." Dib muttered to himself, fingers once again flying across the keyboard. A moment later, a hum emitted from the speakers, indicating that sound had been added to the visual feed. Dib grinned in victory and sat back in his swivel chair. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and exhaustion suddenly crashed into him. "I'll rest my eyes for just a moment." He muttered, laying his head down on his keyboard. He was out cold less than a minute later.

-InvaderZim-

Just as the sun was peeking over the horizon to start a new day, Gaz was getting ready for school. She had yet to see her disturbing brother, but has heard noises coming from his room the night before. With great anger and wariness, Gaz crossed the hall and pounded on Dib's bedroom door. "If you're not ready in 10 minutes, I'm leaving without you." She yelled.

With a grunt, Dib's head shot up from his keyboard. He looked around for a moment, before realizing what was happening. "Alright, be be down in a few!" He called back. Gaz, grumbling, went downstairs to make breakfast.

Dib sighed and looked down at his computer. The screen saver had kicked in. Dib's screen saver happened to be a program that scrolled through past photos and videos from his camera. Coincidentally, all his photos and videos were of Zim. Dib leaned forward and watched the screen. There was the one where Zim was trying to put his contacts in in the boys bathroom... the one where his wig has slipped in class, showing a hint of his antennae... the one with Zim outside the front doors of the Skool, going to class... the one of Zim's base, GIR out front running around and around the same tree...

Dib sighed. He jiggled the mouse, and the photos disappeared to reveal that his spy camera was still running. The room was still empty. With a sigh, Dib pushed the screen of his laptop down until it closed with a click. He stood and stretched. Comb hair, pee, change clothes, the regular morning routine.

A few minutes later, Dib joined Gaz in the kitchen. He quickly made himself some Dr. Membrane Brand SuperToast (c) and nibbled on it at the table. He was lost in thought about yesterday. Why had Zim acted that way? After his Tallest had called... perhaps Zim was embarrassed of him? After all, Dib didn't suppose Irken Invaders were supposed to make friends with those they were expected to conquer. That must have been it. Zim didn't realize he was getting to close too Dib until the Tallest had called, reminding him of his place, and his mission.

Dib looked down at his remaining toast and, with a sigh, tossed it into the trashcan, where is gave a small _bang!_ and turned to ash. That SuperToast (c) still had a few bugs to work out.

After Gaz had finished her breakfast, Dib grabbed his backpack and followed her out the door. Dark clouds could be seen forming on the horizon, towards the direction of the Skool. "Looks like it's gonna rain." Dib said warily. Gaz, already absorbed into her GameSlave, merely grunted. Dib went back to his room to grab his compact umbrella. By the time he had gotten back outside, Gaz was nowhere to be seen, having gone ahead without him. Dib sighed and started walking.

-InvaderZim-

Zim was ignoring Dib.

That could be only explanation for his behavior.

Dib had walked into the class room, sat down, and... nothing. Class started when the bell rang and had run smoothly for the past hour. This was simply unheard of. Dib couldn't help but squirm in his seat, wondering if Zim was just ignoring him or had different motives up his sleeve.

Finally, after an hour and fifteen minutes of cycling questions in his brain, Dib scribbled down a message:_ 'Hey, Zim, you wanna hang out at the playground across the street after school?_' and then crumpled up the piece of paper and, with good aim, nailed it on the side of Zim's head.

The piece of paper tumbled to the floor. The teacher hadn't seen a thing. Zim shot a glare at Dib, who merely mouthed 'Open it!' to Zim, miming unfolding a piece of paper with his hands.

Curious, Zim bent down and picked up the crumpled piece of paper from the floor. Discretely, he unfolded it in his lap and gazed at it for a moment. Then, he quickly grabbed a pen and jotted down his reply.

"Dib." The teacher called his name. Dib's head snapped around to look at the teacher. "Where was the battle of the Athenian and Spartan soldiers against the Persian soldiers?" Ugh, history. Dib had never been very good at it. He tried to think back to when he had last heard the name of the place, but it eluded him.

"It was, er, that little thin strip of land... I can't remember the name." He confessed. The class snickered quietly, and Dib sunk down in his seat.

The teacher shook his head. "Half credit, Dib. They battle was fought at Thermopylae." The teacher turned to the white board and continued his lecture. Dib's bad mood worsened.

A few seconds later, the crumpled paper ball hit Dib smack on the side of his head, courtesy of Zim. He managed to turn and catch it before it hit the floor. Making sure the teacher was on the other side of the room, he unfolded it under his desk and read it.

**No.**

Dib looked down at the two measly letters Zim had written. He shot Zim a glare, and Zim glared right back. With a huff, Dib shoved the note into his backpack and sunk down farther into his seat.

History class dragged on.

((A/N: Just something to hold y'all over. Sorry about the shortness!))


	9. Chapter 9

(ACK! Two months! I'm so shocked- and sorry! There's no excuse, other than, you know, school... but anyway! Your new chapter, finally! I promise to update more often! Two months... Mon Dieu!)

That day after Skool, Dib stepped out from the swarm of other students rushing home. He found that familiar shade of green to the side of the massive steps, reading the Health book Dib had loaned him. He was studying it intently, eyes not straying from the page. A peak over Zim's shoulder revealed that he was once again going over the human organs. Dib watched as Zim's claw traced over the heart, the liver, the lungs- almost mesmerizing.

"Dib-thing! What are you doing here?" Zim shrieked, snapping his textbook shut.

The paranormal investigator snapped out of his reverie with a start. "N-nothing, Zim!" He said, forcing anger into his voice. His temper flared as he remembered Zim's rejection earlier that day in class. Zim had recently gotten a call from his Tallest, and had suddenly freaked out on Dib, forcing him out of his base. He had been acting strange ever since. Well, normal, I guess... but in this case strange!

Zim glared at Dib, anger in his eyes. Then, suddenly, he held up the textbook so that Dib could see the front cover. "Zim...I...need help... studying." He said, looking at Dib as though daring him to argue. "You will help me with the memorization of the filthy hyuman organs." He commanded.

Dib ground his teeth for a moment, before relaxing. He agreed, and Zim smiled. "Good Dib-pet." He said. His words weren't as sharp as they had been before.

_'Dib-pet? I'm not his pet!' _He would have spoken out against it, before he remembered his forced agreement with Ms. Bitters. If he didn't do as Zim asked, Dib might fail the 10th grade! A horrifying thought, to say the least.

Zim opened the textbook and expertly flipped though the pages until he found the one he was looking for. "This is Dib-thing, yes?" He showed the page to Dib, who nodded. It was a page showing a male, heart, lungs, and... everything else. "And this is Scary Gaz-beast, yes?" He flipped a few pages, to where a female body was shown. Again, Dib nodded.

The alien flipped back to the male figure, and began to circle Dib, eyes on the page. Once again, as Zim circled the human, he placed his claw on to spots on Dib's body, applying pressure where he thought the organs to be. Zim started on his tip-toes, reaching up to tap Dib's forehead. "Brain." He declared. Dib nodded, and Zim grinned happily. "Eyes. Nose. Ears. Mouth." He listed off, naming them correctly. He slid a single claw across Dib's face, softly. He wasn't trying to hurt Dib, not now.

Zim continued. "Esophagus." He trailed a claw down Dib's throat. Dib lifted his chin obediently. He couldn't help noticing that the courtyard around the school was silent; everyone had already gone home, including Gaz.

"Lungs." Zim pressed his palm flat against the right side of Dib's chest. Dib's skin, underneath his tee-shirt, seemed to react to Zim's touch. What was this?

"Heart." Zim had slid his hand over to the left side of Dib's chest, and pressed there lightly. Then back to the right, a little lower this time. "Liver." Back to the left, lower still. "Stomach." Zim pressed with his palm. "Intestines." He trailed a claw back and forth across Dib's stomach. It tickled slightly, but reacted even more. "Big intestines, and little intestines." Zim's claws trailed lower down Dib's body, until they were just below Dib's navel. "Umbilicus." He named Dib's belly button, pressing into it slightly. Dib's breath was coming in shorter and shorter gasps. What the hell was going on with him?

Zim suddenly circled him again, stopping for a brief moment to press into Dib's back. "Kidneys." He said surely.

"They're a little higher." Dib forced out the words. Zim was silent for a moment before he slid his claw upwards. "Kidneys." He said again. He was less sure this time. Dib nodded. "Liquid waste is formed in the kidneys, then it travels down the ureters to the..." He had to check the textbook in his other hand. "Urinary bladder." He said slowly, making sure he said the words correctly. By this time he had finished speaking, he had gone back around to face Dib's front. He crouched, balancing on the balls of his feet. "Then," Zim said. "The urinary bladder releases the liquid waste through the urethra." And before Dib could stop him, Zim slid a single claw from the bottom of Dib's tummy to his crotch.

Dib gasped and moved back a step, out of Zim's reach. He looked down at the alien with wide eyes. "You... don't... don't do that." He said, his words a bit breathless. His heart was beating erratically.

Zim's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, Dib-thing?" He asked angrily. He craned his head up, regarding Dib. He was still crouched on the ground.

Then, all at once, both boys realized it. Dib bit his tongue as Zim stood slowly. They each took two steps, Dib forward and Zim backwards, until Zim's pack brushed against the brick wall of the Skool. They looked into each others eyes for a moment before Zim turned his head and tilted his chin upwards, exposing the green skin of this throat to Dib. The human inhaled. He felt overcome with sudden confidence, powerfulness. He was in control here, Zim was his to command, the Small obey the Tall, the Small submit to their Taller...

All these thoughts invaded Dib's mind, swirled around his brain, making all other thought fuzzy, as though out of focus. He closed the spaced between him and Zim. Deftly, he pressed his lips to Zim's throat, applying gentle pressure. Zim made a soft sound, nothing human, almost Irken, something in between. Dib lifted his lips and pressed down in a different spot, lower, closer to Zim's collar bone. Zim's claws stretched, then curled. Once, twice, he craned his neck more.

Dib's arms found themselves wrapped around Zim's waist. The second kiss to Zim's neck turned into the fourth, turned into the fifth, until both boys were panting with need for whatever-this-was.

A sudden breath whooshed out of Dib as he pulled away from the alien, and in that breath one single syllable. "Zim." The alien's name was spoken softly, gently, warmly, in neediness for more of this intense act. The Irken's eyes widened, and his claws, once wrapped around Dib's middle, retreated back to push against Dib's chest. First time was softly, almost a test, then came the strong shove, all of Zim's body weight pushed into it. Dib crashed to the ground with a cry.

"Zim, what are you doing?" The confidence and power Dib and felt a moment before was quickly draining away. "You can't-"

The alien turned on him, fire in his lensed-covered eyes. "Stay away from me. Do not come near me. You are a threat to Zim's focus, and to Zim's mission. If you deter Zim again, you will be severely punished."

And, with that, textbook in hand, Zim spun on his heal and marched off Skool grounds, chin held high. This left Dib, on the ground, drained, confused as hell, but extremely curious.


	10. Chapter 10

_Since it's been so goddamn long, here's a recap: Because Zim and Dib suck at school, Dib was forced by Ms. Bitters to be Zim's tutor. That day after school, Zim walked with Dib halfway to his house, asking him questions along the way. The next day, Zim asked Dib about reproductive organs, so Dib got Zim a book from the health classroom. Since then, Zim has been pouring over the book, trying to memorize where human organs are located; which Dib's help of course. Zim and Dib started hanging out on the playground across from the Hi Skool, where the discussed sex of human and Irken kind. Dib found himself in a position of power, and sure as hell liked it. Zim starts acting all nice, and Dib decides to play along to find out whatever Zim may be plotting. When Zim didn't come to Skool on day, Dib went to his base, and ended up spending some time with Zim. There, he managed to plant one camera and microphone, which he linked up to his laptop later. Zim flipped out when the Tallest called, and kicked Dib out. The next day after school, they had another **moment**, then Zim pushed Dib away and stormed off. To the present: _

After Zim had left the courtyard, Dib rushed home as fast as he could. He couldn't stop running all that had happened just a few minutes previously. He had felt it again, that amazing feeling of power and control- control over Zim! He had wanted Zim close, so close, and just thinking about it made his head swim. What was happening to him? Either way, there was only one thing to do at this point. He had to check the camera that he had planted in Zim's lounge.

He rushed through the front door, and then slammed it shut behind him. He whizzed past Gaz on the couch and flew up the stairs. Gaz muttered something that sounded like "Needs to stop being so freaky and get a life." If Dib had heard her, he ignored her entirely, shouting only, "I'm busy don't bug me!" before he slammed shut the door to his room.

Dib opened his laptop eagerly, where the camera had been recording all day. He rewound the feed a few minutes to when Zim had entered the room, pressed play, then sat back and watched.

The room was empty for a few seconds, before Zim appeared. The first thing Zim did when he walked in was angrily flip over the table next to the couch. "Who does he think he is?" Zim screeched, desperately kicking the couch. He started shouting a few things in Irken. Zim was clearly in a rage. He had discarded his wig and contacts, and his green skin glinted in the light. Dib leaned forward, watching eagerly. Gir appeared a moment later.

"What's wrong, master?" Gir, not wearing his green dog disguise, looked up at Zim with wide eyes. He was closely clutching his stuffed piggy.

Zim collapsed on the couch and out his head in his hands. He groaned loudly. He muttered something under his breath that Dib couldn't hear. When he spoke up, Dib listened hard. "What am I going to do, Gir? It's programed into Zim to submit to my closest taller! Being around Dib all day, being in class with him, fighting with him... Dib has gotten too close to Zim. Now Zim is weak and submissive. THIS MUST BE STOPPED!" He yelled, jumping up from the couch. He ran from the room.

Gir stared after him for a moment, then began to run circled around the room, whooping at the top of his lungs.

Dib frowned and fast forwarded. He used up all of the rewound feed, until he was in live time again. He was surprised when Zim appeared a moment later- perfect timing, as it were. Dib leaned forward and watched closely. Zim came in slowly this time. He watched Gir run in circles for a moment before he sighed and righted the overturned side table. He sat down on the couch, then laid back and stared at the ceiling. "You don't get it, Gir." he muttered, as if Gir were listening. "Zim has never... felt... so... alive." He held up his hands and stared at them, as though they held all the answers he was searching for. "Being so close to the Dib... his hands clutching at Zim... his lips on my neck..." At those words, he placed his palm flat against his neck and held it there. Zim's eyes fluttered close, but his breathing was erratic. "It makes Zim want Dib to touch him all the time. Just hands and mouth and..." He stopped short, his face flushed.

Dib bit his lip, his cheeks growing hot. So Zim _had_ felt the same. He had known that Zim had experienced something as well, and here was proof. Dib watched on his computer monitor as Zim's hand slid from his neck down to his chest. It lingered there for a moment, before it trailed down lower, to Zim's stomach. Dib's breath hitched, watching Zim do this to himself in a clearly sensual way. Zim's breathing was irregular and coming faster and faster. Zim chewed on the inside of his cheek as his hand slipped down farther than his stomach. Dib watched, transfixed, until...

The familiar sound of Zim's doorbell came through the speakers on Dib's computer. Zim's head snapped up. "Computer! Who's at the door?" He was obviously flustered at being interrupted during such a moment. Dib couldn't see the monitor that appeared, but when Zim swore Dib understood. "Girl Scouts. Truly the evilest of the evil." He stood from the couch and took a deep breath, composing himself. "Gir! No more fooling around! First we get rid of the Girl Scout, then we get back to work on the... the... I don't know what, just work!" He grabbed Gir and started towards the elevator. In another moment, he was gone.

Dib sat back in his desk chair, shaky. His eyes were as wide as dinner plates. He had known that there something more between him and Zim before, but he realized with a start just how... how... _sexual_ it was. Dib felt like a total dork. Here he was, in his very first sexually-charged relationship, and he had no idea what to do next. With his tongue between his lips in a clear look of determination, the paranormal investigator navigated to Google. His brain stalled for a moment. How the hell would Google know anything about sex between humans and Irkens? It wouldn't. Dib sat back one more, frustrated. He closed his eyes and thought hard. What has it that Zim had told him about Irken reproduction?

Zim had said that most Irken children were created by a computer that selected the best possible DNA from both parents. Dib also remembered that most Irkens had both male and female parts. Dib opened his eyes and leaned back towards the computer. He could look up things on hermaphrodites, at the very least.

Dib experienced yet another bout of insomnia that night. After spending some time on Google, making Gaz dinner, cleaning the house, and making one last check on the Zimcam, he climbed into bed and did nothing but lay there, staring out the window. Zim was all he could think about. His green skin, his pink eyes, his black antenna, his military uniform, his combat boots, his black gloves, everything about Zim. He tossed and he turned, but he could still remember his hand on Zim's hip, his lips on Zim's neck, their bodies flushed together. Dib squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to push the memories away. Now was not the time for those thoughts. Dib bit his lip. He knew that they were having an effect on his body, but he refused to acknowledge it. He couldn't now, when when Zim was as pissed with him as he was. Of course Zim like him- that much was very clear- but Zim didn't know that Dib knew. So Dib would have to play it cool in order to win back Zim's favor on all parts.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning dawned as a Saturday. Dib had slept fitfully the night before. He woke up more exhausted than he had been before he had gone to bed. He made himself decent and trudged downstairs in search of breakfast. Gaz was already downstairs, Game Slave in one hand, spoon in the other. Dib went straight to the box of cereal, only to find it empty. "Gaz, did you finish the last of the cereal?" Dib asked warily. Gaz grunted an affirmative, not looking up from her handheld. Dib sighed and went back upstairs. He wasn't really hungry anyway.

He opened his laptop and checked the Zimcam. The status bar showed no activity. Zim hadn't returned to his lounge. Dib collapsed back on his bed, staring out the window as the sun climbed higher in the sky. It was only ten in the morning. What was he going to do the rest of the day? He had no homework to complete, no friends to hang out with, no nothing. With a sigh, Dib stood and pulled on his black trench coat. There was only one thing to do at this point.

He had to get to the bottom of this. The one person that had had been on his mind, constantly, for far too long. He was going to get some answers, and he was going to get them today.

Dib didn't say anything to Gaz as he walked out, and she didn't ask. He shut the door behind him and set off for Zim's base. He knew several ways to get there, including through back alleys and over the roof of an apartment building, depending on whether or not he wanted to be seen. Today, walked along the sidewalk a few blocks, then took a shortcut through some backyards. A few minutes later, he stood on the street in front of Zim's base. He looked up at the roof, where he knew the Voot Cruiser lay hidden. His eyes followed the tubes that burst from the sides of Zim's house and invaded the surrounding homes. He sighed and stepped forward.

The lawn gnomes turned and watched silently him as he padded up the walk. He knew that somewhere deep in his base, Zim was glaring at a monitor, watching him approach. Regardless, Dib stopped on the front step and knocked on the door. After a few moments, there was no answer. He knocked again. "Zim! I know you're in there! I just wanna talk." Dib said, knowing that Zim could hear him through the gnomes. Dib stepped back and waited. Zim would come.

Sure enough, after three minutes, the door creaked open. "What?" With that one word, Dib knew exactly what Zim was feeling. The look in his pink eyes was angry, almost hateful, but the tone of his voice and the flash in his eyes showed for a split second what Dib knew was there: nervousness. Zim was extremely nervous with Dib standing there, not three feet away.

"I just came to talk. Can I come in?" Dib asked. Zim glowered at him for a moment before moving back and letting Dib enter. Dib stepped inside and looked around. Gir was nowhere to be found. The TV was off, and the house was completely silent. Dib sat down carefully on Zim's couch, and Zim sat down as well... on the opposite end. Dib sighed. 'Baby steps.' He reminded himself.

Zim, surprisingly, was the first to speak. "Zim is starting to think that we should not... be... in the same room... together...anymore." He paused often, trying to chose his words carefully. Dib just sat there, in a shock.

'Is he... breaking up with me?' Disbelief flooded Dib's mind. He knew that what he had seen on the Zimcam last night had been one hundred percent true. He ran the list of possibilities for this through his head. First, and most obvious, Zim could be trying to push him away so that he could focus on his mission. Second, and least likely, Zim was just playing hard to get. In light of Zim's previous actions and statements (say, physically pushing him away and telling him to stay away) it was clearly the former.

Dib twisted and placed his hands on the middle cusion of the couch, leaning closer to the alien. "But Zim! I though we were friends!" Dib tried his best to sound hurt and upset. Dib was surprised at how convincing he sounded. Perhaps it helped that he actually did feel a little wounded.

Zim wrung his hands together anxiously. "Dib is... Zim's friend." Zim's antennae dropped down in a show of defeat, something quite surprising to Dib. Zim actually seemed to feel guilty about this whole thing. "Zim wants... but doesn't want..." He mumbled, shaking his head. He stood suddenly. "Zim must go, check on the-"

Dib reached out and grabbed Zim's wrist, trying to keep him from leaving. "Zim, wait!" He pulled Zim back onto the couch, dangerously close Dib. "Please don't go yet, I want to keep talk-" Dib was suddenly cut off as Zim suddenly stretched up and pressed his lips against Dib's. Needless to say, Dib was shocked into silence. Zim continued to kiss him for a few more moments before he pulled away.

"Shut your word hole, Dib-pet. Zim has much explaining to do." He moved a few inches away, close enough to touch but far enough away to preserve their personal bubbles. "First, Zim must tell you about Irken people, and their roles as they age." Dib just nodded, silently, still shocked that Zim had actually kissed him. Zim took a breath, and began. "On Irk, we base our government on height for a reason. You see, one's height, compared to the height of those around them, determine their sexual roles." Zim looked up at Dib with honest eyes. "If that which one is closest to is taller, then the shorter with mature with receiving parts, and the taller with giving. Make sense?"

Dib shook his head and tried to think through the fog in his mind. "So... if you're shorter than your significant other... then you end up with girl parts?" He tried to clarify. Zim bristled.

"Sex and Gender are two very different things, Dib. Irkens can decide their gender, not their sex." He looked up at Dib with narrowed, but not angry, eyes. "One's sex is on their body. One's gender is in their mind. Zim chose to be male when referring to gender. However, Zim's sex was determined by... you."

Dib's eyes widened in surprise. "M-me?" He stuttered. "But how?"

Zim swallowed. "On this filthy dirt ball you hyumans call Earth, Dib is closest to Zim. Perhaps not in a friendly way at first, but..." Zim shrugged. "Every time I fought with you, talked to you, or... did anything else." He looked away, his cheeks flushed. "Zim's body has begun to change in accordance with Irken evolution."

The two sat there for a moment, Zim embarrassed and Dib trying to soak this all in. "So... does this mean that... we're..." He couldn't finish. If he had caused Zim to change, did that mean that they had to...?

Zim's eyes widened. "No! No, no, no, that's not... required." He stood slowly, letting Dib know that he wasn't leaving. "Nothing has changed, really. I am still the Almighty ZIM! And I still still destroy this puny planet!" He cried. Dib jumped up.

"Oh, no you won't, alien scum!" He shouted. However, there was something in both Zim and Dib's voice that left a hint of humor. Their words were not laced with hatred and anger, rather with a challenge. They were still against each other, but not in the same way they used to be. There was no hatred in their words anymore.

Dib tackled Zim to the ground, laughing. Zim was laughing as well, and they wrestled on the ground, rolling and throwing mean words around in the nicest way.

Gir popped his head in. "Awwwww, I love it when tacos and piggies get along." He babbled. "THIS MEANS WAFFLES!" He screeched, running back into the kitchen.

After a few more moments of struggling, Dib managed to pin Zim. The two looked at each other, panting and grinning. Then, Dib leaned down and pressed a breathless kiss on Zim's lips. He pulled away a second later, a need for reassurance in his eyes.

Zim smirked. "You don't know what you've gotten yourself into, Dib-beast." Dib laughed, and kissed Zim again.

-Invader Zim-

_A/N: Okay, I've got a lot of important stuff to say, so please read this. First off, gender and sex. I myself being a girl body and mind, the difference between sex and gender isn't something I know a lot about. I don't pretend to know about it, because I don't. If I made any mistakes or I am inaccurate about anything, please let me know in a nice way. Also, I feel that I have strayed from the plot a little bit, so there will be more chapters to come. Maybe not a lot more, but a few, to wrap up the story and relate everything back to the original idea. _

_Thank y'all so much for reading. Any and all reviews (as long as they're not mean!) mean the whole Irken Empire to me!  
_


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: If you don't hate me by now, you must be a saint or something. Seriously, my writer's block has been hanging over my head like a storm cloud for MONTHS. However, that doesn't mean I won't try! Thanks for sticking with me!

-Invader Zim-

After their little 'scuffle', Dib convinced Zim to let him stay the night. Dib was a bit nervous, as we walked back home to retrieve his toothbrush and other essentials, but he did his best to keep calm. As he walked, he tried to come to terms with Zim's behavior, and the reasons behind it.

Dib knew that Zim wanted to complete his mission to destroy the Earth, but Dib also knew that Zim liked him- two rather conflicting wants. If Zim destroyed the Earth, then he wouldn't be able to run around with Dib much anymore. On the other hand, if Zim gave up his mission to destroy the Earth, he would disappoint his Tallest. So, what was more important to Zim? His Tallest, or his… well…the guy he liked? Didn't seem like it should be much of a contest, but Dib knew that he and Zim had a connection. Would it win out over Zim's sense of duty? Dib wasn't sure, but he hoped so.

It wasn't long before he returned to Zim's base, needed supplies in hand. After a moment of hesitation, we went ahead and just let himself in. He was sure that Zim wouldn't mind. He set his things down on the couch, and went into the kitchen. He found GIR mixing several ingredients in a bowl, and Dib was sure that it would kill anyone who tried to eat it. With a shudder, Dib asked GIR, "Hey, uh, is Zim…downstairs?"

GIR looked up at Dib, his tongue hanging out of his mouth in a cute way. He nodded vigorously, and pointed to the trashcan. "Elevator knows where Master is!" He squealed. Dib raised an eyebrow, but stepped into the trashcan anyway. After a moment, the bottom of the trashcan lowered, sending Dib down countless stories. Finally, after at least five minutes, the elevator stopped and, with a small ding, opened.

Dib stepped out hesitantly, not really knowing what to expect. He found himself in a large room, with a few doors leading to separate rooms. In this room, it seemed it was a while miniature house, vastly different from the façade on the surface. There was a large kitchen, along with a larger sitting area that could be described as a living room. Everything seemed to be a shade of red or pink alongside black or dark grey. Very different from the color scheme upstairs. Dib guessed that these colors were chosen to correlate with Zim's tastes, rather than to placate the suspicion of any humans.

"Dib." Zim's voice came from behind him, and Dib turned around quickly.

"Hi, Zim." Dib greeted, a smile on his face. After a moment, Zim smiled as well.

Zim noticed Dib's backpack and asked, "Do you have the necessities?" He asked, and Dib nodded. He could feel the tension in the room building- he hated to admit it, but wasn't really anything more than an awkward teenage. He kept fidgeting, and his palms felt sweaty. Though all this, Zim appeared unfazed. Dib didn't know if Zim really felt none of them tension, or if he simply put up a better nonchalant front than Dib did.

Zim led Dib to where he would be sleeping, and Dib set his bag down. It was a simple guest room, containing a bed with a pink and black bedspread, a nightstand, and a dresser. There was an adjoining bathroom. Dib observed it with a smile- it was a nice place.

Zim stood in the doorway, regarding Dib as he pulled out his change of clothes and hairbrush. He kept alternating between clasping his hands behind his back and letting them hang loose at his sides. He hated to admit it, but having Dib this deep in his base gave him the jitters. He wasn't entirely sure he could fully trust the human- Zim didn't know if the Dib planned on planting cameras or perhaps to capture him while his guard was down. Well, there was nothing really to do but let Dib into the heart of his base- he would soon know where Dib's loyalties lay.

"Dib." It was a bit strange to Zim to say the other boy's name with no pet name or insult attached.

The teen turned to him. "Hm? Yes Zim?"

Zim fidgeted, trying to process what he wanted to say. "Zi- I…want you to know that…" He flexed his fingers, and shifted his weight from one foot to another. "as long as… I reside on this planet… you are welcome into this Base…and that this room is forever yours."

Dib listened to Zim speak with a slowly melting heart. He knew Zim was trying so hard to use proper pronouns and matching verb tenses, and that he was trying even harder to convey that he wanted Dib around. With a smile, Dib stepped closer to Zim and put his hand on Zim's shoulder. "Thanks, Zim." He said softly, before leaning down to capture the alien's lips with his own.

Zim's eyes widened at the chaste kiss, and he still looked surprise when Dib turned around and continued to unpack. He was still not used to kisses, let alone ones that came from nowhere like that. Slowly, he reached up and pressed his fingers against his lower lip. Zim decided that he didn't dislike the Dib kissing him. A part of his mind wandered towards wondering if he perhaps even liked Dib kissing him and he quickly shook it away- he refused to think of that. Not again.

"Zim? Zim? Hello…?" Dib waved a hand in front of Zim's face, and Zim instinctively reached up and snatched Dib's wrist. Dib yelped, but didn't try to pull away. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

The alien shook his head. "Zim was not startled." He denied. Then he frowned- he still reverted back to third person when he wasn't thinking about it. He liked to think he was getting better, but… ah, to hell with it. He would only speak that way around other hyumans. Here in his own base, he would speak however he pleased. No one would tell Zim how to speak in his own base! Let them try!

Dib sighed as he saw Zim, once again, zone out. Zim was still holding onto his wrist, and Dib slowly lowered his arm so that his and Zim's arms were hanging between them- then he slid his hand down and interlaced his fingers into Zim's clawed hand. This pulled Zim from his reverie with a puzzled look.

"What is this?" Zim wondered aloud, looking down at his and Dib's touching hands.

Dib smiled. "It's called holding hands." He racked this up as just another question from Zim, and explained. "People who like each other hold hands to feel close."

Zim was silent for a moment, and then nodded slowly. "Zim approves." He said finally.

After a moment, Dib pulled Zim back into the main living area, then towards the elevator. "Hey Zim, while I'm here, do you think you could show me your lab?" Dib knew this was a risky question, and that he might receive an angry 'no', but he couldn't help to ask- all this Irken technology around him, and he was just dying to figure out how every little electrical thing worked.

The alien tugged on Dib's hand, pulling them to a stop. He stood there and paused for an ever longer time, regarding Dib seriously. Dib searched Zim's eyes, finding slight distrust and suspicion, but also a tiny glimmer of hope- he wanted to be able to trust Dib, wanted to be able to share all the amazing technology in his base. Dib knew that explaining that of course he could be trusted would not sway Zim- he had his decision to make, and he would make it without outside influence.

"Perhaps…tomorrow." Zim said slowly, and Dib sagged with disappointment. That was a no, but only for now. He straightened up slightly as Zim led him to the couch was a bit sad when Zim released his hand. "To be a gracious host, Zim must offer guests drinks." He looked at Dib, as though expecting what he had just said to come across as normal.

"Uh, sure." He said with a quick smile. Zim nodded once and disappeared into the kitchen to retrieve whatever It was he was serving. More Sprite? Probably.

Dib drummed his fingers on his leg, suddenly feeling like he was forgetting something. Something important. He couldn't place it though- it was there in the front of his mind, but it wouldn't come to him.

Zim returned with two unopened Sprites in hand. He really did like the bubbly drinks, and found them refreshing. He reached out to hand Dib his can of soda, but suddenly, Dib's watch beeped loudly. Dib frowned and pulled his hand back so that he could look at his watch. It beeped at him again and a pre-recorded message scrolled across the screen: "Weekly Report to Swollen Eyeball". Dib gasped and his eyes went wide. He glanced up at Zim in alarm, who stood and regarded Dib with a puzzled expression.

"What is it, Dib-pet?" He asked, tagging that pet thing to the end of his name again. Dib stood and apologized profusely.

"I-I'm so sorry Zim, I totally forgot! I swear, if I had remembered I would have done it sooner, I-"

Zim's eyes narrowed. He set the soda down on the coffee table and put his hands on his hips. "Stop your babbling and explain to Zim what is going on." He said in a commanding tone, which somehow managed to make Dib take a deep breath and explain himself.

"You see, every week around this time I send a report to the paranormal studies group I'm in called The Swollen Eyeball. If I don't send them a report, they'll think there's something wrong and send someone looking for me!" Panic made his voice crack, and he was even twitchier than before.

Zim narrowed his eyes at Dib, and Dib felt horrible. If he thought that Zim hadn't trusted him before, he sure as hell didn't trust him now! Dib could see himself getting kicked out faster than he could say 'but I didn't plan it!'.

"Well, go report to them!" Zim said suddenly. Dib stopped and stared at the alien.

"Uh…what?"

Zim rolled his eyes, something that looked strange to Dib. "Zim said, go report! Go on-" Zim put his hands on Dib's chest and pushed him back. "Go running to your group- tell them all about how you've infiltrated the enemy's secret base! They'll be so proud!" There was fury in Zim's eyes, and Dib couldn't do anything but turn and flee to his room- his laptop was there in his backpack, which rested on the floor. Dib fell to his knees and pulled out the laptop. He turned and pushed his back against the wall, hoping that the grey wall wouldn't give away his location. Automatically, when Dib opened his laptop, a window opened to let him chat with Agent Mothman.

Zim had followed Dib- and stood in the door- glowering at Dib. He wasn't anywhere near being in view of Dib's webcam, something Dib was grateful for.

"Agent Mothman." Mothman called Dib's attention, and Dib's eyes snapped back to the screen. "How goes work in investigating that alien?"

From the door, Dib could hear Zim grinding his teeth, but didn't dare look up at him. "Uh, nothing so far." He managed to say.

Darkbootie raised an eyebrow. "Oh? So what have you been working on? You don't seem to be in your bedroom."

Dib scrambled to come up with an acceptable alibi. "I'm um, at a friend's house." Too close to the truth, shit! "Uh, Danny's! Yeah, there's a kid in my class name Danny, and…" Dib leaned close to the screen, as though trying to keep quiet. "I think he might be part ghost!"

Darkbootie looked surprised. "Really! Well, great work Agent Mothman!" he congratulated.

Dib couldn't do anything but swallow and nod. "Keep me updated Agent Mothman- Darkbootie out." And the screen suddenly went blank.

Finally, Dib mustered up the courage to look up at Zim. The alien's expression was unreadable, and Dib's heart sank. He had hoped that Zim would see that he was willing to lie to The Swollen Eyeball and not reveal Zim to them.

There was a long stretch of silent, in which neither Zim nor Dib said anything- they just looked at each other. Dib was terrified, and Zim was slowly letting what Dib had just done sink in.

At last, Zim spoke. "You…lied to them. To protect Zim."

Dib closed his laptop and pushed it aside. He scrambled to his feet and looked at Zim desperately, breathing fast. "Yes Zim, of course I would." He blurted out. "You're much more important to me than they are!"

Slowly, as Dib watched, a smile spread across Zim's face. Not a grimace or a smirk, but a real smile- the ones Dib loved. Quickly, Zim strode forward and stood up in his tippy toes to press his lips against Dib's in a chaste kiss.

Two could play at this game.


	13. Author's Note on Sex and Gender

Okay, here's the thing. I wanted to bring this up. This is addressed to my audience as a whole, but also to the person that left this review:

"ONES GENDER AND ONES SEX ARE ALWAYS THE CAN'T BE A MALE IN A FEMALES  
BODY,AND YOU CAN'T BE A FEMALE IN A MALES PROBLEM IS THAT PEOPLE  
SOMETIMES DON'T PROPERLY HAVE A SECURE SENSE OF SELF AND CAN OFTEN HAVE THE  
WRONG PERCEPTION OF WHAT THEY IS SUCH A THING IS GENDER-REPAIRITIVE  
THERAPY THAT CAN HELP YOU TO COME TO SEE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU  
REALLY ARE."

Okay, first off, putting your entire message in caps lock was not necessary at all. Secondly, at the end of chapter 11, this is what I put into my author's note:

"Okay, I've got a lot of important stuff to say, so please read this. First off, gender and sex. I myself being a girl body and mind, the difference between sex and gender isn't something I know a lot about. I don't pretend to know about it, because I don't. If I made any mistakes or I am inaccurate about anything, please let me know in a nice way."

NICE WAY. Caps lock is not a NICE WAY.

Second thing: I am not inaccurate when saying that gender and sex are two different things, because they are. I am taking pre-med classes, and I want everyone to know this:

Transgender is not a label like jock or nerd, it is a MEDICAL CONDITION.

It can be treated with hormone therapy, so that an individual can be more comfortable with their body.

Similar to being transgendered, is gender identity. There are people that sometimes identify as a girl, and other times identify as a boy. That is to say, some days they feel like their body and genitalia does not reflect how they feel in their minds. This is not always treated with hormone therapy, usually with clothing choices or hair styles, so that to other people they appear to be the gender they're identifying with. For example, a boy might wear a skirt if he identifies as female, or a girl may bind her chest to keep her cleavage flat if she identifies as male.

Gender and sex are two different things. Mental Therapy is just another treatment. Some people change their body to reflect their mind, and some people change their mind to reflect their body.

But gender and sex are whole different plants. Just wanted to make that very clear.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I can get on with my story about Zim and Dib. I am very sorry if bringing gender identity issues into this story has made anyone uncomfortable, but that's the way the story is staying.

Oh, and one more thing: If you want to leave me an angry review, and least have the fucking balls to sign in, you gutless pussy.

Have a nice day.


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